**********CORRECTION!!!!!!!!!**********

I am so so sorry about this!  But it seems as if there was a bit of mix up.
I just posted a post about Kermit the Frog's death. PLEASE DISREGARD IT!!
Flabio, my most faithful, loyal follower (sorry to the rest of my googolplexian followers;) JUST called me because he JUST read my most recent post.  Erm, well, this is embarrassing, none to say the least...but I made a little mistake.
Well it was actually more along the lines of...
a
HUGE
mistake...
Sooo...here's the deal.  What Flabio had really said when he called me with the news of the "death" of Kermit was that a Hermit had told him(Flabio) that there was going to be a fog out break worldwide (as opposed to Kermit the frog died...) And then Flabio went on to tell me that the Flab's dog, Howie, was really moody and snared a bunch of rats (as opposed to Howdy Doody scared Kermit.  Don't know how I got that out of rats...) Um, so...yeah...but to my defense, Flabio has this a disorder called garglemouthaphonia.  So, translation, he gets this impossible to understand voice (it sounds like he's gargling volcano rocks) when he talks on the phone.  He can't help it.  It's genetic.
I mega major apologize.  This is the apology of the world.
I'M SORRY MY SWEATER VESTS, MY LI'L MULLETERS, MY ADAM'S APPLES!

Please, please, please forgive me and ignore my last post.

Flabio<3
EyeballsRisingFromMist

Sad Day

Today is a sad day for all of us.  My dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, sweater vest wearing, luscious amigo Flabio called me up with some truly horrible news.  There has been a death recently.
It was...
Kermit the Frog.


He was, in fact murdered!  Howdy Doody was convicted on the charges of purposely scaring to death our favorite green frog.  Flabio was, in fact, an eyewitness, and he will testify in court tomorrow.  This is Howdy Doody pictured after killing Kermit.  Please note the crazed look in his eyes.  A mug shot has yet to be released.  
After being arrested, Howdy Doody explained that he was so jealous of Kermit's fame and his own lack of fame, that he couldn't take it anymore.  He also absolutely despised Kermit's lovely pea green color.  It seems as if bein' green isn't easy after all.
It's okay, I know, it's hard to take in, but we'll be okay.  W can make it together through this.
Mr. Bean is rumored to be Howdy Doody's lawyer for the trial.
I will report more on this later.
I must say that I cried for five hours when Flabio called me.  My only comfort was my meatball sweater with the blinking owl eyes and my authentic mullet wig that is the exact replica of Pa from Little House on the Prairie.  Here's one last, heart wrenching tribute to our beloved deceased Frog.

You're always in our hearts Kermit,
 
Flabio<3
EyeballsRisingFromMist

Happy Advent

Yay! Advent has begun! Time to break out the Christmas lights that never seem to work and the tacky ornaments that belonged to your great-Grandmother.  Time for good will, love, Christmas trees, and companies shamelessly endorsing their product...But best of all: Christmas music. 

Christmas music..The very best genre out there, right? SO much cheerfulness.  So to ring in the season of Advent, I've decided to give you all a treat. Yes, I think I use that phrase to much, but it is ALWAYS true.  My treats are beast.  I'm basically the boss of treats.  So, please enjoy my very favorite boy band's rendition of "O Holy Night".  It is deeply touching...especially if you're in the mood to hear five boys sing "Ooh ooh ooh ooh!" for five minutes before they actually get to the real song.  

Really let that sink in. Beautiful. Just...beautiful.  Well on to the next beautiful and best thing: Family Christmas Portraits.  Just the very name strikes fear into your heart and/or intimidates you in the very, very least.  But let's face it: there's something indescribably inspiring and heart warming about seeing families posing in matching clothing in front of their house... Oh beauty. Please enjoy these very special family portraits as well.

I know you will.

Lastly, I have laboriously tracked down several articles of Christmas clothing which paired together would make an ahhhdorable Christmas-y/family photo outfit.

Sweater option girl:

Sweater option boy:

Shoe option girl:

Shoe option boy:

oror

Hat option girl:

Hat option boy:

The very sight sends chills up and down my spine....Annnnddd well, let's just say the very sparkly RPattz believes in the very trendy Christmas sweaters.  So that should convince.........tweens and Twihard Moms that sweaters are the way to go...yeah.

Flabio<3

EyeballsRisingFromMist

HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN Costume Ideas

Happy belated Halloween!! What a great day Halloween is. Free candy, trick or treating songs, being able to jump out at people with a chain saw from behind a tree without getting  in major trouble...oh, the list goes on, doesn't it?  Well, in honor of this glorious holiday, I think I will share some of my fav costume ideas and/or scary masks that are GUARANTEED to scare your friend(s)! I know, I know, it's a little late for costumes, but maybe you want a post-Halloween-get-rid-of-the-candy party?  Or maybe you just want to start planning for next year.  Either way you will love these costume ideas!! So, without further ado, Happy Halloween and enjoy:

Costume #1-A Mr. Bean Baby:

 This little gem is sure to have all the treat-givers cooing! All you need is a diaper, a baby bottle, and one butt ugly plastic surgery job! It's as easy as 1-2-3!

Costume #2-Blobfish:

Look how CUUUUTEEE!! Don't it just make you go weak at the knees? This is how you make this wittle cutie: Buy a fat suit and cover it in a niiiice thick layer of...um...slime.  Then draw a frowny face and attach a large pom-pom on for a nose!

Costume #3-Rat Stuck in Sidewalk: 

Oh SNIFF! This picture makes me absooluuutely break down into (laughter) tears (of happiness).  Just SO sad. I can't stand.  I can't.  But if YOU are brave enough to make your peers sob as they stuff Reeses and Nerds into their mouths, then you need to get a big rat suit or a large piece of fuzzy faux fur.  Then find a large piece of cardboard, and squeeze yourself into it. Instant laugh-maker, that is to say, heartbreaker.

Well, with three fantabulous costumes under our belt, I think it's time to move onto my fav section: SCARY SPOOKY CREEPY MASKS!! Ahhh! Yes, it's intense and you know it! These are proven crowd pleasers!

Scary Mask #1:

Ooh that will haunt me in my nightmares! Like, seriously. I...I think..I think I might throw up actually. From now on, I will be bringing a baseball bat and pepper spray to bed with me. Scary.

Spooky Mask #2:

That smile is NOT normal. I highly suspect he is concealing a large chainsaw behind his back.  And those eyes...So.Evil.

P.S. That smile is so wrong. He...looks like...he wants to kill me or something...worse...

Creepy Mask #3:

...no description needed...

So take it or leave it, but there you have six foolproof costume ideas for Halloween.  Personally, I think (actually, I know for a fact) that if you wore one of these you would be the highlight of the party, the cool kid on the block, the coolest thing since bacon bits, and all those great cliches. 

Have a very Merry Halloween.  

Flabio<3

EyeballsRisingFromMist

A Beautiful Sight

My dear, dear, lovely followers, I SO profusely apologize for not having blogged in light years. But, hey let's be real, I'm jest a kid.
So, given that it has been 56238y64uhed8+ years since I have blogged a little blog for thee, I spent about .00000001 seconds of endlessly racking my brain trying to come up with a WORTHY and MIND-BLOWING idea.  But, you know me, beauty just comes so easily to me--mullets, sweaters, etc. So the idea came so easily to me just like THIS: I was nonchalantly frolicking through sweater racks at My Local Sweater Shoppe, Designs By Peg—which, if you’re interested has a gorgeous plethora of sweaters—when a stunning apparition knocked me off my feet (proverbially speaking).  It was NOT actually an apparition, so, yes, I occasionally lie because, well, here's the thing, it was real (Overuse of commas?).  And it was SO much more real to me than most things--including cheeskcake!!! Golly gee willikers Batman!...that probably made absolutely NO sense, but I was so excited plus I just found out that my mullet wig order WILL be coming in time for Halloween!!
BACK to my apparition that wasn't apparition because an apparition is a vision and a vision this was not, what I saw back there in sweet Peg's Sweater Shoppe was a (dum-dum-dum-dum...<my first graders attempt to do a drum roll) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa................
MEATBALL!!!!
Hahah! Tricked ya! It wasn't a meatball! That's goofy, BUT it was very similar (actually meatballs are cousins to my lovely little subject). Hahha! But, for real, I shouldn't joke about this because it is completely serious.And P.S. those meatballs I got online. They are not my creations (actually I think that there's tofu in them...:). So, in absolute all seriousness, I really saw:

ADAMS APPLE!!!
Just GORGEOUS isn't it?  I mean, it gives me SHIVERS!! Absolute shivers.  Fun facts about Adam's Apples?  Yes, of course I have some!!

• Adam's Apples are not, in fact, made of apples but meatballs. So more like brother/sister then cousin I guess.
• The biggest Adam's Apple had a three feet diameter.
• Centaurs DON'T have Adam's Apples.
• If you believe that last fact, you're an idiot.
• BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CENTAUR!!! Hahaha.
• I have a poem for Adam's Apples, yes, yes I do.

The Apple of Adam=Golden Meatballs

Flabio<3

Some are big

Some are small

Adam’s Apples come in a colorful assortment

Like a Party Mix of Candy with Tootsie Rolls and gum

Or like Golden, golden meatballs

Floating in bodily fluids.

Flabio<3

EyeballsRisingFromMist

***SWEATER SPECIAL***

Back by popular demand:

Yesterday, while I was blissfully staring at photographs of severe noses (because that's not at all creepy, why would you think that?), I realized that I have still not written anything on sweaters!!!  I'm astonished, and slightly disgusted in myself, as I am a self proclaimed sweater obsessor.  So I now present to you a plethora of sweater need-to-know facts:
First off, I'd like to provide for you Mr. Webster's def of sweaters:

sweat·er

 noun \ˈswe-tər\

1

: one that sweats or causes sweating

2

a : a knitted or crocheted jacket or pulloverb : a heavy jersey worn in ice hockey

This is soo important to know.  I mean, suppose tomorrow your World History or Home Ec. teacher were to spring a pop quiz on you?  And you didn't know anything about sweaters??  You would fail.  But will I let that happen? NO! Because sweaters are too dear and near to my fuzzy little mullet of a heart.  
Okay so hypothetically speaking, suppose the quiz went like this:
1. Name two types of sweaters? (And, no, ugly sweater and really ugly Christmas sweater do NOT count).
2. What's the definition of sweater?
3. Name two different ways a sweater can be made?
So. What would you do?  Chew on your pencil? Make up some lame arbitrary answer? Sweat a little baby lagoon or ocean? I know I would if I wasn't prepared.  But here's the thing, I am--and you can be too! (Wowzers, just now I realized how good I am at campaigning, I'm seriously considering trying out for the 2012 election).
Here is your complete study guide and introduction into the mysterious and beautiful world of sweaters.  So here's the thing: sweater vests rule the school, there's no denying that, but second best? Christmas sweaters.  So many diverse, colorful flavors out there.  And what about the Christmas sweater vest? Oh yeah... 

• Sweaters, golly, where to begin?  
• That ^^counts as an entire thought right? (<and that too?)
• They're fuzzy, and nice to wear, and OH they're soft. 
• They can be knitted, or crocheted, or made in a man made kind of factory thing.
• Different types of sweaters include: cardigans, pullovers, Christmas, sweater vests, etc. 
• You can buy the BEST sweaters at thrift stores.  I do not actually know this for a fact, but it seems pretty likely.......
• Sweaters were first invented by Aphrodite (greek goddess of love and beauty--is it any wonder?;).
• They were first worn by Flabio.
• They were made famous by the Weasley's (especially Ronald) and Hermione Granger.   
• They are the pinnacle of grace, elegance, and splendor (for examples please check out these aboslutely gorg and presh sweaters).

If you would like more information I invite you to check out this so so sos sosoos so very informative site all about sweaters!!  I know you will enjoy it because, let's be real, it's about sweaters, and I recommended it.  

Sweater World

Flabio<3

Sweaters are in stores

Sweaters are in closets

Sweaters are the coolest item on this planet

It's a sweater world

A sweater world

I like pink sweaters

I like blue and purple and green and the ones that are kind of colored like vomit

But mostly I just like sweater vests

Sweaters: back by popular demand.

Have a wonderful sweater filled day! 

Flabio<3

Eyeballs Rising From Mist 

Boy Bands

Perfect. This is a perfect subject.  Boy bands are special, I'm not gonna lie.  From Backstreet Boys to N'Sync to (my personal fav) MARKY MARK AND THE FUNKY BUNCH, all these bands just hold a very special place in our hearts.  They are the epitome of cool, "hot", and spicy people.  Boy bands are just...spicy.  Spicy hair.  Spicy lameness.
Let me drill this into your pea head:

Boy Bands are lush.  They're lush.

Almost, maybe, as much as sweaters or Flabio's hair...no, nevermind, nothing is quite to the same level of lush as Flabio's hair.
But honestly its hard to chose my favorite part of a boy band: the spiked and bleached blond hair, the lame "cool tough dude, everyone wants to look like/date me!!" outfits, or the cheesy songs...
(Back Street Boys, yeah, they're cool. Seriously how is that hair NOT more popular?)
(NSync...these guys are tough.  I'm crushin' for sure now! Please check out the clever words and catchy dance from Justin Timberlake's NSync days.  These guys can dance like pros.)
(Okay, check out this INTENSE song, Good Vibrations, by Marky Mark and his Funky little Bunch.  Your life will never be the same. I can almost guarantee that).

I'd like to give some Fun Facts about Marky Mark's Funky Bunch:

• There's an unknown member--Pa, from Little House on the Prairie

 (Wow, what a spicy beast.  How rugged, how buff, how...mullet-y)

• This guy not only played Pa in the Hallmark Little House on the Prairie, but he also starred (produced, wrote, directed, etc.) three other Hallmark movies: 

1. Just a Man and His Mullet
2. Life With a Boy Band
3. Living With AIDs

So now you have a little sneak peek into the Funky Bunch.  It is also commonly rumored that Marky Mark is the Beibs voice coach (if you listened to Good Vibrations and heard that...Michael Jackson-esque voice, you'll know what I mean).  And, while Marky did NOT, unfortunately have a mullet, he did have good vibrations.  Fo sho.  It is also a rumor that Pa was Justin Beiber's hair flipping coach.  No wonder everyone suddenly came down with a nasty case of Beiber Fever--he had a hair flippin' coach who had a mullet!  Then the Beiber went and chopped off his long mane...that twerpy fetus.

Well, well, well.  So you see, boy bands are so.darn.EXCITING!! The drama! The music! The crushes and dreams of young girls shattered when they figured out that the boyz' hair was actually died, and those spikes? Hair gel...But nevertheless, boy bands are a great icon of, well, lushness, I suppose (don't even get me started on Aaron Carter).  To quote my sister and colleague Ally, "Boy bands are inspirational.  If I had to describe boy bands in one word, it would be inspirational."  Beautiful words, some might even say...Per Fect.

So, in the famous words of NSync, BYE BYE BYE!!

flabio<3
EyeballsRisingFromMist